I never really asked for love, but here it is. I never really asked for space, but it’s at my fingertips. I never really asked for much, but I gave a lot. I never really asked to wait, but I gave it a shot. I never really asked to be let down, but I feel it coming. I never really asked to give up, but I’m close to running.
Thirty days hath my heart to dwell in fears while we’re apart. Thirty days hath my soul to long for things I can’t control. Thirty days hath my mind to wonder if you will still be mine. Thirty days hath my body to crave you when I’m feeling naughty. Thirty days hath my fingertips to forget how it felt to trace your lips.
That way you curl your lip up, with sensuality, as if you like what you see when you’re looking at me. Take me by the hand, lead me to your room, feeling the pulses now, anticipating you making my lady flower bloom. Discover my skin with your perfectly soft lips as I chase miles of chills with my figertips. They leap from my skin to be introduced to yours as I envision the pleasure with the stamina that endures. In an arch we meet as I form a coil with my toes and draw the sheet to my mouth to muffle any falsettos. Roaming across your muscles in admiration then look up at your lip gently bitten in exhilaration. My eyes navigate to the abyss, I gather my focus, it’s my turn to bring your body to bliss. Pressure on your hips, I place my hands on your chest, thoughts become words “it’s yours” I attest. Waves of my appreciation flow freely to your head as I’m shaking and moaning- we both know what’s ahead. To no avail I refrain from clawing at your skin as my eyes roll back again and again. You help my frozen body back to a useable state then back at it again after we rotate.
I feel like your protector. Or maybe I’m just an investor for your time. You seem so innocent, the way you fall asleep at the drop of a dime. How is your peacefullness a symphony? How did my feelings grow so easily out of their infancy? While you’re asleep, I tell you my secrets. Everything from my fears to how I’d give you my allegiance. You’ve got a lot on your plate, so I know I’ve got to wait. And if I’m not the path you select…. please know… I would never interject. This thing is so very beautiful. I hope you know… you deserve someone suitable
– for your heart.
Every now and then I can put something together in writing, but it feels forced nowadays.
Sometimes it feels like I’m only using certain portions of my brain. For example, school is just repetition (the building block of learning) and regurgitation… and afterwards RETAINING the information. In professional school, so much informtation is obtained and required to be retained. So when it comes tome for my creative juices to flow, it is as if those juices are locked up in other chambers – being more useful elsewhere. When I finally get free time, those juices that WOULD be in my creativity chamber are soaked up by other things. And its like that for everything like the mind chamber of patience or the mind chamber of relaxation.
This metaphor works for the heart too.
I LOVE writing, but my love is being stretched this way and that-a-way.
Romantic love pulls left and love for good grades pulls right, and love for my family and wanting to be around them pulls upward, and love for sleep and laughter pulling downward, and love for miscellaneous pulling foward and all the slack thats left avaliable for the backward pulling creativity is slim to none.
Sometimes, I don’t mind. My heart is big enough to carry this burden.
When you’re crushing on somebody whether having burning thoughts from afar or interacting by building and experiencing the sparks that turn into intense flames, life is a massive paradise of euphoria. Don’t get me wrong, I understand it could hurt to admire somebody at a distance. Also, it must be nice to be a part of a monogamous relationship. Except – that is when life has the potential to become a pit of misery and repentance.
Relationships of my generation are messy. We have all kinds of technology at the tips of our fingers bringing enhancements and ease of those sneaky, disingenuous temptations. It’s too easy to mess up. It’s too easy to have something new, something better. They don’t appreciate your presence. They don’t notice your small gestures that used to make their heart skip a beat. Arguments become whirlwinds of expressive and vindictive rants on social media. The line between what is right and wrong have been blurred by a “Like.” Instead of communicating, we seek validation for our feelings. Maybe somebody else felt this way. *Search “HeartBreak.”* Let me retweet this to get their attention. While I’m at it, I need to scroll through that “Following” tab on Instagram to see if they are liking pictures of that person who looks nothing like me, again. Ugh. This has gone too far. Who are we anymore?
When you’re crushing on somebody, you don’t really have important expectations. You may have hopes – beautiful hopes. You may not have hopes at all. I think a lot of people just take the excitement of a crush one day at a time. Sometimes it’s even better if you don’t read so much into things. This is exciting to say the least. Dating. Is. SO. Fun!! You look forward to that awkward silence and their rambles about what they want out of life and how they’re going to accomplish it. The thrill of learning something new about this person every day is the one thing that makes getting out of bed in the morning just a little bit easier. Or maybe the person is just somebody you cross paths with at 7:32 when you’re grabbing that cup of coffee or at 5:07 when you’re headed to your car in the parking lot. Perhaps admiring somebody from afar isn’t so bad after all. Oh! Did they just wink at me? *blushes* That made my entire day.
Let’s be honest. The easiest way to deal with that pit of misery is to find yourself a paradise of euphoria.