I wrote a poem a little while back that I posted titled “Confession.”
I want to revisit my emotions I was feeling as I wrote that post because I received a comment on it and while I ultimately agreed with the comment, I was feeling something a little different.
Here’s the link to the post: Confession
At the time I wrote Confession, I was dealing with wondering why my life isn’t turning out to be all that I expected it to be. I often have my moments where I will reflect on my fairytale dreams and wonder why I can’t get the reactions out of life that I’m seeking. I have times when I dream about being in love again and realize how bad I want that feeling back. Then I started asking myself if I was even capable of loving somebody that deeply at this point.
I haven’t fully accepted myself for the person I am, so how can I expect somebody to fully accept me as I am? That’s where I began. I visioned myself talking to a mirror. In the poem, I speak as if I am beckoning the person I know I am and the person I know I can be to unite. I am begging my alter ego to join forces with my original personality.
I felt a sense of this being the first time I have tried to find peace within and to maintain this stability forever. I believe that being in love is one of the strongest bonds (for better or worse) that people emotionally witness. While, my two halves (each with conflicting characteristics) join forces, I imagined that being in love with myself could seal the bond I needed to fully accept myself on both ends (the good and the bad, the powerful and submissive, the emotional and the stubborn….) every conflicting pair of personality traits that I know I posses.
My goal is that after I love myself. I can fully love again. (: