Thought Thursday: A “100% Sure” Mind

I ran across this post after doing some digging online. I shortened the original post, but you can check out the source HERE!

A “100% SURE” MIND ?

She is becoming worried of [being] late. All her friends agree with her concerns as well. Besides, she is not getting any [younger] by the day. They have been dating for four years now. She thinks it’s time to take the relationship to the next level. Why is he avoiding the topic of getting engaged? Does he have some funny ideas? Is he hiding something? It’s all too worrisome. Why can’t he say directly if something is there? Whenever she brings up the topic of marriage with him, he always has the same answer:

Honey, what we have is perfect. I don’t want to complicate the situation. May be, it’s too soon. I want us to be very sure of what we are getting into. Because once we settle down, there is no turning back. So, let’s wait till we are more confident about this. OK? Trust me.

And that’s how a young lad proceeds to buy time to postpone the inevitable discomforts of being committed or staying locked down or becoming responsible. By demanding and expecting that he has to be very sure before he takes any action: “I have to be very sure. Why do anything if you are not 100% sure? I need some more time”. Depending on how well she can second-guess him, it usually can work 🙂images

Wanting to be 100% sure is a very interesting state of mind. It stems from our deep-seated discomfort with uncertainty. As a living thing whose unfortunate fate depends on the decisions we take, it is only reasonable to expect that all our decisions be laboratory-tested, factory-inspected, instant success-guaranteed decisions that mustn’t go wrong. So, we want to be certain. We want to be 100% sure.

The “100% sure” is a state of mind where all conflict is resolved. It’s that momentary confidence when you walk into an ice-cream shop on a hot summer day knowing what flavor you want. It’s that inner voice, the only song that can describe your entire life’s philosophy with stunning accuracy. It’s that non-negotiable certainty with which you want to give her the benefit of doubt even when you have every reason to suspect that she took a huge bite off your cheesecake when you weren’t looking. A “100% sure” moment is that compelling moment of intuitive revelation – you just know it. It’s exactly like being in love. You are just supremely sure. I mean, not that we are sure of the future or anything, we are simply sure that’s it’s all going to be fine. After all, that is the highest form of certification – that’s it’s all going to be fine, even more important than knowing the future.

But how do we get there? No one knows. It just happens. Like love, the “100% sure” state is an emotional event rather than a factual one. It’s a personal thing. Like love, we don’t know if it’s ever going to happen. It’s totally out of our control. We will never know if we are ever going to be “100% sure” about anything. So, the probability of being “100% sure” is actually less than 100%Irony. Huh?

Like a true romantic waiting to meet the perfect love, we are willing to wait any longer and try as harder to be “100% sure” about our decisions. We are ready to think, analyze, deconstruct, compare, optimize, crystallize, examine, investigate, scrutinize, probe, dissect and after getting really tired after doing all these, we are ready to even sleep over the problem.

All the while, we hope that one day if we think hard enough, if we wait long enough, may be time will reveal the right thing. Huh?

Intentions vs. Actions

“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour.”

― Stephen M.R. Covey, The SPEED of Trust: The One Thing that Changes Everything

 

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Humans are selfish creatures. We tend to put ourselves before anything and we rarely see the negative things about ourselves until it causes a change or ruins a relationship. Why do we see ourselves as good people? Who are we to judge ourselves? Who are we to judge other people? Do our intentions make us invincible? Do we pay attention to the intentions of others before judging their actions or behaviour? How often do we stop and ask somebody WHY they did something before we jump to conclusions about their character? How often do we take responsibility for the way we act even when we thought it was for good reason?

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People can’t always see our intentions and we can’t always see theirs. Think before you judge.

My Cupid

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“You failed Cupid, I told you what I wanted!! WHY CAN’T YOU GET IT RIGHT??”

I don’t know about y’all, but my Cupid tends to fall short. You would think that the fact that we all have our own personal Cupid makes things easier. My Cupid likes to play around and skip the biannual C-Meet where all of the other Cupids gather to practice shooting arrows and share learning experiences. My Cupid doesn’t like to practice. He thinks he is the best at his job, and I have to agree at times because I think he has done an excellent job. However, once that initial period of being intrigued with the individual wears off, I realize that my Cupid doesn’t take his time aiming. He tends to go for the first person that looks like a good person.

I am very close to firing my Cupid altogether. Without him, maybe I could focus. Cupid’s arrows are meant for desire anyway, not love. At this point, I don’t even need desire in my life.

New Found Appreciation

Four score and seven years ago… just kidding. 

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Last year, I could be overheard saying, “Basketball must be the most boring sport, ever.” I have always thought that it must be so easy to play. I mean, come on… how hard could it be for somebody to raise their arm to get a ball into a net? Don’t get me wrong, I always knew I was no good at the sport. I just figured I wasn’t tall enough or I couldn’t take people being in my face.  I would look at a basketball court and say, “Anybody could run back and forth in that short distance,” and “There are too many rules.” Watching a game of basketball I would often get confused because I couldn’t understand how touching somebody in the wrong way could result in a foul.

Recently, I played basketball with a friend and I quickly realized that I never really saw the sport as a challenge. Boy, was I wrong! Basketball is about technique. There is so much that goes into playing basketball. First, you have to be good at multitasking. Players are constantly forecasting their next move and being aware of their teammates positions on the court while making sure they are dribbling correctly or blocking their opponent and making sure to stay in bounds. Those are just a few of the abilities that good ballers have! Players need to have great levels of agility and stamina to play effectively throughout the entire game. Upper body strength is a must have and height is pretty important as well. I never knew that sometimes players foul on purpose for the clock to be stopped or what “taking a charge” meant. I never thought of the skills that were included in the requirements. There is an amount of strategy that comes along with the sport that I simply was not aware of.

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To conclude my ramblings, I have a new-found appreciation for the sport and I commend any basketball player on his or her ability to be awesome.




One of Many ‘Nice’ Guy Theories

Everybody has their theory on what society deems as the ‘nice guy’ and what this popular fella “deserves.” However, there are some things you (The ‘Nice’ Guy) don’t understand about when, why, and how. You think you finish last, but somebody else has finished before you. This makes you angry and full of regret and all of that bullshit about “I just want you to be happy” goes out of the window without a second thought. There are so many things I could speak on, but here’s why you may be the first runner-up.

The Ex-Boyfriend: We aren’t over him. ‘Nice guys’ are trying to take this guy’s place. We aren’t over him. You think we need to be swept off of our feet. We aren’t over him. You want to put perfect images in our head about how great life would be if we moved on from that part of our past. We aren’t over him. The reason we hold on so tight to this relationship is because we have time and energy invested in the personal connection we once had. I’m not saying time and energy are the only things we think about when we think about this person, but the rate of growth with this person and the memories we share can NEVER be replaced. It is very selfish for another guy (The ‘Nice’ Guy) to make it his personal agenda to rid us of any memories or connection with this person. Personal growth is something that you should never try to take from a person. End of Story.

The Chosen Ones: These are the guys we choose to talk to on a day-to-day basis. Yes, I said choose. Just like you have that annoying person you duck and dodge at church or in class, we duck and dodge guys all of the time. The Chosen Ones is more than likely where you stand before becoming the first runner-up.  Let me make myself clear, this is no competition unless you make it out to be. For example, if you are constantly worried about the relationships (friendships) the person you “like” has with other people, YOU are the one who makes it a competition. The Chosen Ones are the people we feel a connection with, whether weak or strong, we make it clear that we enjoy talking to you and that we want you around.

What You Can Do: Stand Out There’s something about a guy who likes to spend his spare time showing you his interest and intentions for you. Of course, we don’t ask for ALL of your spare time. Learn to be confident in who you are and what you want. Nothing impresses a girl more than confidence. Can you be the type of guy to claim it before it is yours? Don’t be creepy with it, just find out what works best for you, but make sure she’s interested! Another thing is to remember not to lose yourself trying too hard to be someone for somebody that doesn’t want that. She may not even be right for you in the first pace. Different females seek different things.

“‘Til mine is the only face you see, I’m gonna stand out ’til you notice me.”

Yes, I just took it there.