I don’t have it anymore..

I don’t have it anymore. The Patience. The single most important aspect of learning another person. The difference between a thought and a headache. I lost it. The Patience. Somewhere in between his talking down about others but thinking so highly of himself. Somewhere along the lines of him “falling for” or “trying to love” somebody regardless of their flaws but he was ignorant to his own. I can’t find it. The Patience. It fell through the cracks of his hands that were the same size as mine like his height that was not ideal, but I never said these things because they didn’t matter as much as his heart. It fell through the cracks of his lips when he called me a bitch, twice. It’s missing. The Patience. It ran away with the lack of affection as his desires took center stage although I never wanted them. It went away when my words meant nothing because he wasn’t listening to me but to my body instead. It vanished. So quickly, so fast it was nowhere to be found because I used it up. I used up all I had waiting to be his only but it was never an intention of his.

I don’t have it anymore. The Patience.

So I leave.


The Wall

Bass. Snap. Bass-Bass. Snap.  It brought me closer. I knew exactly what he was listening to. The rhythm. I pictured us dancing – glass of wine in hand – in the kitchen, preparing our favorite meal together.

Silence. It brought me closer. Was he laying down or reading a book.. watching TV…… brushing his teeth.

Laughter. It brought me closer. The LOLs. I pictured his kool-aid smile that I wasn’t familiar with. Joy. Amusement.

Singing. It brought me closer. 6:30am Monday through Thursday. 7:30am on Fridays…. in the shower. It was perfectly imperfect. The start to my day.

Slammed door. It brought me closer. Was he leaning against the back of the door…. did his misery cause his knees to buckle…. did he slide to the floor. Was he falling out of love. I wish I could be there for…. him.

The Silence. Again. It brought me closer. I wanted to know who he was.

The Mystery. It Brought Me Closer. I Fell In Love With The Man On The Other Side Of The Wall.